Air Northward

he College is faced with an annual parking problem when the weather is cold. The long commute to downtown Waterville and the even longer commute to Just Outside of Colby has increased illegal parking cases, resulting in more parking tickets which have caused several students to complain. 

The solution for such commute issues has always been clear, but only recently have the resources come available for private liberal arts transportation. 

Parking on campus will no longer be necessary with all of these incoming transportation options. The administration strongly encourages students to refrain from bringing a car to campus. 

Uber™ will replace the Jitney service starting May 1, to support end-of-semester transportation needs. Since there are never enough drivers to take everyone anywhere other than Walmart, Security will be hiring drivers. 

Interested students can apply through Workday or Davis Connects to drive as a sanctioned student worker. Benefits abound, as current shuttle drivers can attest. In the future, shuttle drivers will enjoy even longer breaks and much shorter routes. 

Waterville traffic has become such that the new downtown stop will be at the corner of Front and Main. 

Since the fall of the Colby Now app, administrators have been working with this concept. 

“What if we could instantly transport people, and by people I mean residents of the Boston area, from home to school? That’s what the new Colby Now is about,” said newly elected Dean of Motor Vehicles Colby Ford. “Options in transportation are important, even if you have a bike or a scooter.” 

The DMV added that another new shuttle app will be increasingly necessary for efficient coordination. Students and anyone who wants to travel to campus should look out for an even more efficient service and will no longer be encouraged to use Zipcar, Enterprise, or their own private vehicles. 

Even the Concord Line and Ron’s car service will quickly be run out of town with the booming business of the College’s newest feature, made possible by crowdfunding from the True Blue campaign. 

During breaks and every holiday rush, instead of complying with requests for more shuttles, Campus Life and Security have collaborated with the President’s visionary style for grand gestures and impactful projects. 

Air Northward will launch the College into top rankings as the first NESCAC to provide students with the sought-after resource of flying. Conveniently, airline tickets will be available next year from the HAARC Jetway any time (at a subsidized rate) ((for some)), and these seats will be secured in a lottery system similar to room draw. 

“How do I get home?” asked a New Hampshire student, class of `26. 

“I’d suggest taking advantage of one of our many Boston Express transportation options,” said the incoming head of TSA for Air Northward, who emphasizes that security is more important than efficiency. 

“We don’t quite have an emphasis on traveling Westward yet, but you could try going up through Canada. We can always accommodate your travel needs in the Northward direction.” 

For travel in and out of the New England bubble, the regular options remain, however, Portland International Jetport will be reserved for parents traveling to campus. Therefore, rental cars will only be available during events such as Parents’ Weekend and Graduation. 

Competition with other schools in the area is a factor, but the ultimate CBB victory will forever be in the hands of the College that is so populated with accomplished and well-rounded classes that they have run out of parking and created their own airline. 

With effective and efficient transportation on the rise, the College will be ready for its imminent relocation further northward (location to be disclosed). 

 

~ President Blu