Colby announces its plan to drain Johnson Pond

After much deliberation, the College has revealed its newest plan of expansion, draining Johnson Pond. This decision comes following the enrollment plans of the class of 2028, 2029, and 2030, the undergraduate population will expand by the hundreds. In order to accommodate the influx of students, draining the pond will allow for the building of Johnson Pond House 5. 

With the possibility of being closer to the athletic center, many students could not be more excited about this housing option that will be available following the anticipated construction. John Doe ‘24, an athlete on the curling team, expresses his joy for this new flexibility.

“My teammates and myself included are very content with this decision. It will save us approximately 13.4 minutes every day between walking to and from the athletic center. This is crucial as we are preparing to compete in the next winter Olympics,” Doe said.

Both student-athletes and Bob’s lovers alike have even volunteered to begin clearing the birch trees that surround the pond. The new housing addition will almost guarantee a variety of room options for each grade. 

According to the report written by the Planning and Development Council, the current pond location provides space that would allow for a few ten-story of buildings to be constructed on that land that reaches to Washington Street. 

“Our plan is to create a more concrete blueprint of the future Johnson Pond house once the pond has been filled. In addition to more housing, another end of campus will be created as we use grass and Adirondack chairs to bring this new area to life,” Bob, the lead builder said. 

While many people are on board with this new expansion plan, former President of the College Franklin W. Johnson, the recipient of honor to whom the pond was gifted in 1948, has risen from his grave to petition the draining of the pond. 

“The pond has been home to many beloved traditions that this campus has seen. I am truly disappointed and sad for the future generations of students who will not get to experience the beauty of a pond, truly a defining characteristic of this liberal arts college,” Johnson said.

In support of former President Johnson’s stance, other parts of campus have been protesting to put an end to the draining. The environmental science department has also vocalized concerns about this plan. 

“Over the years, we have used the pond to study the formation of algae blooms. It provided a chance to get outside of the classroom and do field work,” Professor Miller of Environmental Scientism said. “Not to mention, the environmental havoc that will occur by eliminating the habitat of the many species who live in and around the pond.” 

These concerns have not shifted the College’s decision to continue forward with this project. The draining date has been set for Jun. 1, following all graduation ceremonies.

 

~ Polly Johnson, Drug Mule