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Women’s Golf takes on the Masters

The Masters Tournament is one of the four major championships in professional golf. Held at Augusta National Golf Club, the Masters had been a men-only private club since its inception in 1932. Since 2012, the club has admitted a few women as members, and Chairman Fred Ridley has vowed to admit more women. Specifically, he has one group of ladies in mind: Colby Club Women’s Golf.

Ridley has elected 100 members of the prominent Maine sorority to not only join the club but to play in the tournament. The women have finished first in every driving range invitational they have competed in and will get to represent the essence of the College’s athletics.

The Masters gave the women’s golf team the nod over Colby Men’s Golf (the men’s hockey team). “The last thing the Masters needs is some Happy Gilmore showing up,” Ridley said to the press.

With news of Women’s Golf competing in The Masters, President David Greene has promoted Women’s Golf from a club to a varsity sport. They will join Women’s Rugby, which has also been promoted after disguising themselves as football this fall and nearly capturing the team’s first winning season since 2005. Men’s rugby was also offered a promotion, but President Greene couldn’t find a player on the team able to sign the paperwork before the deadline (They were illegible because of brain trauma).

The team is ecstatic that their top members will get to showcase their skills on the green. Their top sponsor, Cancun Mexican Bar and Grill, gave a statement earlier today: “We are so proud of these ladies and the recent news. They are our best customers. They never miss a shot at the bar or on the green!” 

Beware golf fans, with members of this team in play, we will soon see the illustrious green jacket turn Lululemon pink.


~ Ima Hogg

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